Losing It

I am losing it. I haven't said anything on the blog about what's been going on with me yet because I set this up to be an update for family and friends. But some things need to be said, somewhere, somehow.

This is my place.

I have been PMS'ing in a way I haven't since I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in college and got it properly treated.

Last week, I found myself literally yelling and screaming at JBP for just being a kid. The poor boy was so confused. He hadn't done anything wrong. Inside I was scrambling desperately to shut my mouth, but seemed to have no control over it.

And I've been taking everything so personally. Last night when I came to bed Der Deutscher rolled over facing away from me. I was upset. This morning, JBP was excited to go see his Oma who's visiting. I was insulted he didn't want to play with me.

Then there's been my inability to connect with what is usually my favorite season of the year. This year all I want to do is crawl into bed with a pile of books, lose myself in someone else's exciting life and get lots of sleep.

Tonight at supper things came to a head in the completely unpredictable and illogical way they tend to.

Der Deutscher and I were discussing Christmas Eve dinner, as I am planning on doing the shopping tomorrow morning. He said his mother (Oma) was taking the day off and I didn't need to pick her up from the hotel. All she would need for her part of the dinner was turkey.

This is where things started to get weird. He said something about the kind of turkey you put in a pan and fry, not the big frozen bowling ball type turkeys. I (raised a vegetarian) was completely lost.

As I told him, I know frozen turkey breasts you defrost and bake in the oven and I know deli cut turkey slices you can eat out of the package. I have no idea what you're talking about.

Then, JBP started trying to climb into my lap and say something to me and I just lost it. I could tell I was going, so I quickly got up and headed into the other room where I bawled my eyes out for about 15 minutes. I did not want my son to see me in this condition.

Unfortunately he followed me and started to get a little upset. Der Deutscher, understanding I wouldn't want JPB to witness my meltdown, took him back into the bedroom to play. I got even more upset that he (Der Deutscher) didn't stay with me!

Hey, I did say this was illogical. I don't know what's going on with me. I just wish it would pass, so I could get my life back. Thanks for letting me pour it all out on your cyber shoulders. Please don't hold this against me. =)

Nimitz' Lady