Since the end of our own "Trial of the Century" I've been an emotional wreck. This guy was waaaay worse than any of use, except the cops and D.A.'s office, ever suspected.
It's one thing to know he tortured and killed 10 people over 30 years. But to learn in such excruciating details just HOW he did it was horrible. There aren't enough words to describe just how bad it was.
To top it all off, we carried the whole thing, two days worth, live. That meant we had to have a special delay set-up so we could monitor exactly what hit air to avoid FCC problems (that's a whole 'nother topic).
What that means is, I saw EVERYTHING. Not just what hit air, but everything the prosecutors would say was too graphic for the general public.
I've trained myself over the years to be able to handle awful things without falling apart, at least long enough to get the show done. So, when it comes to big events like this I always have a delayed reaction.
It started hitting Sabbath evening and hasn't let up since; crying at the weirdest and most inappropriate times, inability to handle the least little conflict, which of course just leads to more conflict, and so on.
Since it was the weekend, my Husband and son, of course, got the worst of it. At the best of times those two know how to get each other going, and once they start they can't seem to stop. Normally I try to either ignore or mediate. This time I just blew up at both of them. In the middle of a restaurant.
Needless to say, they managed to make up after that and no more histrionics, for a few hours at least. But that didn't make my behavior appropriate and though I've apologized, I still feel guilty.
So that, combined with my already emotional state, has pushed me deep into the blues.
Nimitz' Lady
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