@#^&*$%*@#!

I had a whole list of posts sitting on our computer desk, just waiting for when I had time to actually write and post them.

Well, big surprise, I finally get the time and someone (Der Deutscher?) has 'cleaned' up the desk and my list, written on the back of a piece of scrap paper, is gone!

I'll never remember all of them ,but bear with me as I try to paste my memory together here.

1. Swimming Reflections
When did I become a prude? Get old? Whatever you want to call it?

I made the horrendous error of promising my Eveready Bunny of a son that as I had the summer off I'd take him swimming practically every day.

So, as I've spent almost every afternoon this summer sitting by the pool (in it whenever the lifeguards are looking my way since JBP hasn't yet reached that magical age of 8) I've had plenty of time to people watch... and think.

And what I've thought is that it's obscene to put a 6 month old, or even a 6 year old, in a bikini. Don't get me wrong. Two piece swimsuits have their place. On adult women trying to catch a certain someone's attention. Where I have decided they DO NOT belong is on children.

It's similar to my husband's reaction to young pre-pubescent girls wearing make-up. "What, you've given up on keeping the pedophiles away and are just hoping to attract a high class of sexual predator?"

On the other hand, all the time I've spent at the pool has alleviated much of my own self-conciousness about appearing in public in a swimsuit. It's not that I now enjoy it, but I've realized it's a losing proposition to try to hide and have given up. So, here's hoping the rest of the world is enjoying all my jiggles (even those places BELOW the bustline!)

2. Seeing Red
I'm sunburnned! How did that happen? Turns out when the manufacturers say don't use sunscreen that's more than a year old they really mean it.

It wasn't a horrible burn. Never peeled or anything. Just enough to get my attention. I still was completely baffled.

To compound matters, two days later when we returned to the pool I FORGOT to put sunscreen on my chest, you know -- the burned area, and got burned again!

3. All 'Rung' Out
JBP caught ringworm at the Boys and Girls Club this summer. Not a huge deal, but a pain in the but.

He'd had a mosquito bite that wasn't healing normally and I'd been keeping an eye on it.

We get to Colorado for our family reunion (the Puerto Rican side of my family) and are at breakfast. I'm checking the mosquito bite yet again, trying to figure out what's going on, when JBP pipes up, "My teacher (at Boys and Girls Club) thinks it's ringworm."

At which point I remember a notice they'd put up that there'd been a kid with ringworm at the Club the week before. I rush to the hotel computer and google ringworm.

JBP's mosquito bite could've been the model for the pictures I found.

Treatment is relatively easy, but it meant JBP couldn't go swimming for the next seven days, i.e. not at all during the family reunion. That was tough for my little fish to handle. But, all in all, he did quite well and is now clear of the infection.

4. ¿Qué?
Ok, by all the tests I've been able to find, I'm fluent in Spanish. In fact, most native speakers have to be told that I am not one of them. However, I rediscovered one glaring deficiency in my Spanish abilities this last week in Colorado.

My family is Puerto Rican. Puerto Rican is probably the most difficult form of Spanish to understand. They drop practically all internal "s" in words, speak atrociously fast and slur everything together.

Add to that the fact that at least half of my family (of those who do speak Spanish) speak said Puerto Rican Spanish with a Southern accent.

I spent the week feeling like a fraud for even thinking I could speak/teach Spanish with/to anyone!

5. The Next Contestant Is....
Me! I hope. At least I'm trying.

I spent years wanting to get on such quiz shows as Jeopardy!, Who Wants to be a Millionaire? and The Weakest Link. All of which, unfortunately for me, aired on stations I worked for. This made me ineligible to even try out to be a contestant.

The standard time limit is one year. That year is up at the end of this month. In the meantime, I've been assiduously watching these shows, training for my chance.

Today I started checking out their websites to find out how to try out. Oh my G*d! And I mean that quite religiously. Just trying out for these shows is a major production.

Both Deal or No Deal and 1 Vs 100 want a VIDEO along with about a 5 page application. For Who Wants to be a Millionaire? you have to actually show up at a try out -- the nearest of which this month is a 3 hour drive away on a day that I'm not free to go. Jeopardy! isn't taking new applicants right now. Although they do now have an online test I can take. Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? is the simplest. Only a seven page application to fill out and send in, along with a non-returnable photo.

But I will not give up the dream! So, I'm off to find (or take!) a good photo and a black ink pen to start filling out applications. Wish me luck!

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Well, that's all I can remember right now. Hopefully I'll think of more later. But still ahead, an entire post on why "That's Gross!" is so hilarious. Can you tell I used to write for TV?

Nimitz' Lady