Humorous News

I'm too wiped to write a good post right now, so here are a few wire stories that got a chuckle out of me. Enjoy. --Nimitz' Lady

Cat chases off bear

WEST MILFORD, N.J. (AP) - At least one bear doesn't want to know Jack.

Jack is a ten-year-old orange-and-white tabby in West Milford, New Jersey. And when the cat spotted the bear in a neighbor's yard earlier this week, the clawless kitty let the bear know who's boss. You don't mess with kitty!

The bear scurried up a tree and eyed the cat for ten to 15 minutes, while Jack stared and hissed from the ground. The bruin inched its way down before jumping off and running away.

But Jack chased the bear into the brush and up another tree. That's when Jack's owner realized what was happening and called her cat.

Jack's owner, Donna Dickey, tells The Star-Ledger of Newark Jack considers the area his turf and doesn't want anyone in his yard.

And....

Judge tells lawyers to use 'rock, paper, scissors' to settle argument

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) - "Rock, paper, scissors" has settled many a playground dispute. Now it's being tried in a federal lawsuit.

Seems a judge in Tampa, Florida, has had it with the lawyers in a case who can't agree on the littlest details of a suit. So displaying his own version of Solomon-like wisdom, the judge is ordering them to meet at a neutral location, where the children's hand-gesture game will be used to decide on a place to depose a witness.

And what if they can't agree on a neutral location? The judge says they'll have to play on the courthouse steps. You'll get along, or else! Anyone else hear their parents' voices coming out of the judge's mouth?

The "rock, paper, scissors" idea isn't exactly new. Two big auction houses used the game last year to decide who would sell off a multi-million-dollar art collection.

And...

Downing worms may help digestive ailments

EAST LANSING, Mich. (AP) - New research may lead to an effective treatment for inflammatory bowel disease.

That's the good news. The bad news is that it involves swallowing worm eggs.

Researchers are looking at the use of threadlike intestinal parasites called whipworms to treat the disease, which can cause diarrhea, painful cramps and intestinal bleeding.

Inflammatory bowel disease is virtually unknown in the developing world, but it's becoming increasingly common in industrialized countries. Possible explanations range from refined foods and high-fat diets -- to too much good hygiene.

That's where the worm eggs come in.

Michigan State University professor Linda Mansfield says some exposure to dirt, bacteria and, yes, worms can be beneficial. See, I knew it was a good idea NOT to clean my house this week!

She tells the Lansing State Journal that swallowing whipworm eggs could help counteract bowel inflammation and "reset the immune system to be in better balance." And if it's not, you'll be too busy puking up the worms to notice what's going on at the other end.

More testing is needed for government approval. One should hope so!

And....

No charges expected in toddler's walkaway from home

LEBANON, Ill. (AP) - Authorities say no charges will be filed against the parents of a toddler found in the middle of a southern Illinois road. Scary!

The two-year-old boy was found unharmed by a motorist on a stretch of road near Lebanon where the speed limit is 45 miles-per-hour.

St. Clair County authorities say the boy's parents hadn't realized the child was missing and believe he escaped from the family's pet door.

When found by the motorist yesterday morning, the boy wasn't much help in trying to locate his parents. The only words he could say were "kitty" and "no." Probably from being told a thousand times to stay away from the kitty's door!

Authorities located the boy's parents after an hour-long door-to-door search.

And...

Michigan teen found in Jordan, heading to guy she met on MySpace.com

SAGINAW, Mich. (AP) - Another troubling case involving a teenager and the My Space-dot-com Web site. Never leave your child alone with a computer. Mine's six and I've already learned that lesson!

This time, a 16-year-old from Michigan is being sent home from Jordan, after her family says she ran off to meet a guy she met on the site.

Her mother says she got the girl a passport, thinking she was going to Canada with a friend's family. Instead, she ran off. Uh, she's from Michigan and thought her daughter needed a passport to go to Canada? Mom needs to go back to school!

The F-B-I traced her to a flight from New York to Jordan, where local authorities stopped her. Investigators seized the family's computer, but won't say anything about the man she was supposed to meet.

Earlier this week, a Chicago area teen was charged with threatening the life of a school official in a posting on My Space. This one, I'd bet, was your normal teen spouting off about a disliked authority figure, but you just can't tell for sure these days.

In April, five teens from Kansas were arrested and charged with plotting a shooting rampage at their high school. A message about it appeared on My Space. ###