How much?

I don't know how much more I can take. Work, as usual, is stressing me out. Then, the whole situation with JBP (disciplinary problems and paperwork issues that meant changing programs). And now my mother and my MIL are in a severe disagreement and upset with each other.

I won't go into details on the last because people on both sides of the dispute read this site. Suffice it to say, I feel like I'm caught in the middle and no matter what I do it makes me a bad daughter/daughter-in-law and worse mother.

Now it looks like the Boys & Girls club program may not be the solution I'd vainly, foolishly hoped for. Der Deutscher won't agree to letting my mother and aunt share child care duties for the remainder of the summer due to his concerns about their health and, thus, ability to keep up with the energy monster that is our son.

Any friends from church I could think of that would be able to handle JBP are out of town, work or I haven't seen in weeks.

I'm out of options, out of ideas and just about out of my mind with worry.

This is a very sensitive time for JBP. He's had a lot of changes this year and he's starting school in the fall. I don't want him to get off on the wrong foot. I want him to enjoy school. He certainly has the smarts to excell at scholastics.

I want him to be a good Christian, not a bully who's constantly getting in trouble. But he's been in so much trouble in recent months I'm afraid he's already starting to see it as "normal".

When he got in trouble in Sabbath School, again, this last week and I asked him what had happened -- he told me only, "I was bad." Those were his words. It just about broke my heart.

If it were up to me I would just quit work and stay home with him. It's obvious to me that's what he needs. I certainly haven't been able to find a program for him that I approve of without reservations.

But A) Der Deutscher is adament that we couldn't survive on just his salary and B) we now have a bunch of extra financial obligations after getting our floors done (or half done as the carpet STILL hasn't come in!) that we need my salary to be able to pay off.

Add to that the fact I'm about to turn down a chance to escape the hellhole I currently work it because the job is too far from where we live.

I don't know how much longer I can hang on without a serious mental breakdown.

Nimitz' Lady